Are You Ready to Leave? Let's Safety Plan
- Safehope Staff
- Jul 21
- 4 min read
Updated: Jul 27
Leaving an abusive relationship can be one of the most dangerous and difficult times in a survivor's journey. While many people assume that leaving is a single moment—a decision followed by a clean break—the reality is often much more complex. Survivors of domestic violence and sexual violence carefully weigh safety, finances, housing, children, immigration concerns, emotional ties, community connections, and many other factors before deciding what comes next.
If you are thinking about leaving, planning to leave, or wondering whether leaving is possible, creating a safety plan can help you prepare for different situations and increase your safety. Remember: only you can determine what is best for your life and circumstances.
What Is a Safety Plan?
A safety plan is a personalized strategy designed to help you stay safer while experiencing abuse, preparing to leave, during the process of leaving, or after separation. Safety planning is not about predicting every possible outcome. Instead, it is about identifying practical steps, resources, and support systems that can help reduce risk.
Safety plans look different for every survivor. What feels safe and realistic for one person may not work for another.
Why Safety Planning Matters
Research and survivor experiences show that abuse can escalate when a person attempts to leave or when the abusive partner realizes they may be losing control. Having a plan can help you think through potential challenges before they arise.
A safety plan can help you:
Identify trusted people who can support you.
Prepare important documents and essential items.
Create strategies for emergencies.
Protect your privacy and digital information.
Consider safety needs for children, pets, and family members.
Connect with community resources and advocates.
Signs You May Be Preparing to Leave
You may be ready to begin safety planning if you find yourself:
Thinking about what life could look like without the abuse.
Saving money when possible.
Gathering important documents.
Reaching out to trusted friends, family members, or advocates.
Looking for housing, employment, childcare, or legal resources.
Considering how and when you might leave safely.
Even if you are not planning to leave right now, safety planning can still be valuable.
Building Your Safety Plan
1. Identify Safe People
Think about individuals you trust and who respect your decisions.
Consider:
Who can you call in an emergency?
Who could provide temporary shelter?
Who can help with transportation?
Who knows about the abuse and believes you?
You may also want to establish a code word or phrase that signals you need help without alerting the abusive person.
2. Gather Important Documents
If possible, collect copies of important documents and store them somewhere safe.
Examples may include:
Identification cards
Birth certificates
Social Security cards
Passports
Health insurance information
Financial records
Court documents
Children's school records
Medication information
If gathering originals is not safe, consider taking photos or making copies when possible.
3. Prepare an Emergency Bag
A packed bag can be helpful if you need to leave quickly.
You might include:
Extra clothing
Medications
Phone charger
Cash or prepaid cards
Keys
Important documents
Comfort items for children
Emergency contact information
Store the bag somewhere the abusive person is unlikely to find it, if doing so is safe.
4. Think About Transportation
Consider multiple ways you could leave if necessary.
Ask yourself:
Do I have access to a vehicle?
Could a trusted person pick me up?
Are there public transportation options nearby?
Is there a safe place I could go immediately?
Having backup options can be helpful if your primary plan changes unexpectedly.
5. Plan for Digital Safety
Technology can be used to monitor, track, or harass survivors.
Consider:
Changing passwords on important accounts.
Using two-factor authentication.
Reviewing location-sharing settings.
Logging out of shared devices.
Creating a new email account for confidential communication.
Using private browsing when researching resources.
If you believe your devices may be monitored, use a safer device when possible.
6. Consider Children's Safety
If you have children, include them in your safety planning in age-appropriate ways.
You may want to:
Teach them how to call emergency services.
Identify safe adults they can contact.
Discuss where they should go during an emergency.
Reassure them that the violence is not their responsibility.
Avoid asking children to intervene in abusive situations.
7. Include Emotional Safety
Leaving involves more than physical safety. Survivors often experience grief, fear, uncertainty, guilt, relief, hope, or a combination of emotions.
Ask yourself:
Who can support me emotionally?
What helps me feel grounded during stressful moments?
What reminders can I keep nearby when I doubt myself?
Emotional support can come from friends, advocates, counselors, faith leaders, support groups, or other trusted individuals.
If You're Not Ready to Leave
Many survivors stay for reasons that make sense in the context of their lives. Safety planning is not only for people who are leaving.
You can still:
Build supportive relationships.
Learn about available resources.
Document incidents if it is safe to do so.
Develop emergency contacts.
Explore options without making immediate decisions.
Your safety and autonomy matter, regardless of where you are in the decision-making process.
You Deserve Support
Survivors are experts in their own lives. There is no "right" timeline for leaving, and there is no single path to safety. Whether you are considering your options, actively preparing to leave, or rebuilding after separation, support is available.
Safety planning is about creating choices, increasing preparedness, and helping you move forward in ways that feel safest and most manageable for you.
Whatever stage you are in, you deserve to be treated with dignity, respect, and compassion.
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